Epistle to my son

Dear Heston,
Your mother and I found out we are having a baby boy. It did not take us long to determine your name. We bought name books among other silly books as I am a nervous titter finding out I am going to be a father. I’m 46 years old, and I honestly thought I would be thinking about retirement right now. It, however, did not take us long to determine your name and we didn’t even use any of the books we bought for it. We laid some ground rules such as no ex-boyfriends and ruled out the name Bart. Bart’s have never sat well with me. I am guessing that is from the rotten mannered childhood neighbor or the spoiled brat named Bart that I spent all of my elementary school days and high-school days. Both were troublesome youth and no doubt it’s a good thing one of them went into law-enforcement for I’m sure he would have gone to jail for something. I guess somehow, I associate Bart with trouble, and I wouldn’t want to start you out on a troublesome note.

Once the ground rules became apparent, we had your name set twenty minutes later while lying in bed and laughing about our silly ground rules. Your mother said, “what do you think of the name Heston,” and my response was “I love it, now for a middle name.” We wanted you to have a firm name that gave you the character of your own and reflected a bit of heritage to our families as well. The choice became apparent; the man everyone calls Pop-Pop, aka John would become your middle name. John also is your uncle as you will find out and there is a long line of John Everling’s in the family.

I feel it is essential that you know how much you have changed my life and that of your mother’s. I met your mother in New Orleans, somewhere I didn’t want to go, but I also couldn’t fail the obligations I had made to the Professional Photographers of America association. That is where I met your mother. I was awestruck the moment I saw here at the tradeshow booth and when I was introduced to her at the American Society of Photographers banquet. I will say it was more fun staring at her dressed in true Mardi Gras fashion with a feather mask, evening gown, and long flowing hair. As I left the banquet, this is when I experienced a real God moment that I will never forget. I walked away from the center and was about to leave the hotel when I felt a nudge to return and say hello to a few more friends. When I returned, your mother said to me, “Hey mister, would you get your photo taken with me? I didn’t have a date, and I wasn’t sure you did either”. I did get my photo taken with her and honestly thought I would never see her again. I left there thinking why I didn’t get her contact info, a phone number or at least an email address. I was surprised a few months later when I did get a call from her; it turned out she was the marketing director of the company that sponsored me to speak at the convention.

You see, your dad once spoke all over the country, teaching people photography, marketing, and social media. Daddy was lost, however, and a broken person in many ways. I was going to quit photography after a failed business venture and a failed marriage. I truly believed I was a complete failure. I put my identity in all the things I did and not Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior. However, before I left for New Orleans, I had prayed that one day, I would meet the right lady and have a family. I will say that when I left New Orleans, I prayed that somehow I would reconnect with Karen despite not having her phone number.

God answers many prayers; please don’t forget that. Two months after speaking in New Orleans, I get a call, and it is your mom. The phone call was a big surprise to me, and we begin chatting via text messages and Skype. I began praying that she might like me, and the more we talked, the more in love with her, I fell. Then one day she messaged me this “I sure wish I could get one of your big hugs, I have never forgotten how that felt,” and my response was quick and eager “it is 6:30 am my time, if I leave from Indiana now I can be in Iowa by the time you get off work”. I think she thought I was crazy, but I arrived in Waterloo, Iowa at 4:42 pm just in time to take her, Josh and Katie out for pizza.

All of my life, I had believed I couldn’t have children; well, I must say the doctors were wrong about that. We love you, and I am glad you came along. You see never underestimate our God. I have mentioned that I prayed for a family. Now, how things happened is a result of the broken, messy world we live in. Your mom and I both needed each other, and surely, God realized that. But our broken road and your birth have all been for His Glory.

It was when I realized I was going to be a father, that I knew I needed to raise you in a way far different from how I was raised. We didn’t go to church except for a few weddings and maybe a funeral. I wanted and knew that things needed to be different, I also married your mom and you wouldn’t remember it because you were just six months old. Because I had prayed for a family, and I had prayed to become a father, I owed it to God to honor His ways. We were married on July 5, 2013, and you were dedicated to Christ in September with the promise we would raise you in the church. You are, after all, quite the miracle and an answer to my prayers.
I have been blessed to be a stay at home, dad. I have given up the speaking career to be home with you all. I have only a few speaking engagements left, and you all are coming with me, I put that in the contracts with the associations.

At three months old you went with us to photograph a wedding. It was quite the site rolling you in the stroller with photography equipment. The wedding was just the beginning of your experiences in the photography industry. You would later accompany your mother and me to North Carolina to teach at the East Coast School of Photography. You built quite the fan club there, who doesn’t love a snuggly boy with a huge smile. Photographers lined up to photograph you on the baby day. You were the perfect model for the set we built, complete with bib overalls.
Speaking of bib overalls, before you were born, your mom, who has the great gift of prophecy, told me of a vision she had while studying her morning devotionals. She told me of an idea she had of you as a super smiling baby in bib overalls. She has had quite the visions of Josh and Katie as well, and both of them fit entirely into those visions as well just as you have too. You have been smiling since birth, and I pray you never stop that.

You will never believe this, but I’m going to write it anyway as it is critical to why we left the photo industry. Since I was a sponsored speaker by this company and your mommy worked there, they certainly didn’t want us to date. Heaven forbid their clients wouldn’t have enjoyed a great love story. I was in Cedar Falls consulting long before you were born; your mom was called into the office for having too much energy and laughing with me. She often tells me how that moment she knew that I was the guy she meant to marry. It was the only reason I went back to that lab and didn’t give up photography right away, I suppose. They eventually fired her after your birth stating she wanted to leave to take care of her family. Well, it was a God-ordained moment that was not a surprise to us but a disappointment in their lack of tact and character. It did force us to lean into God, even more, allowed us to be with you more, and grew not only our faith but obedience to Him. I see this reflected in your obedience to God as well, you always have great discernment with people, and I pray that you continue to as you grow older.

We began attending church on Saturday nights as it fit your sleep schedule much better than Sunday morning. You always wake up at the 9 am service and are ready to nap again at the 11 am service. Plus they serve pizza on Saturday evening, and as you grew into solid food, it became your favorite thing after waking up from your afternoon nap. Honestly, I am not sure why there is any other food than pizza, it is my favorite too.
You may be wondering why I’m writing this letter and other books of letters to you. I genuinely try to tell you how amazing you are and how much you changed my life. However, if you are anything like me, which you are, you won’t realize how much I love you until you become a father yourself. That is what happened to me. It was a combination of you and the Holy Spirit who has worked on my heart to reconcile things with my father, especially my heavenly Father and realize how loved I am throughout my entire life. I know I had doubts, I had hangups, and I screwed up a lot, and every time God still loved me, and so did your grandpa. I pray that you know how much we all love you always and that your children will impact your life in exponential ways.
I am forever thankful that you love going to church, you never let us miss a Saturday night, maybe it’s the pizza. However, your mom and I have jumped into serving in many ways. I have even enrolled in Seminary as well. We have practically given up our photography careers to focus on new avenues. I am glad you are a versatile young man; change doesn’t seem to bother you the way it does others. Our evolution has not been without difficulty, some you may remember down the road other you will just let fade with your youthful exuberance. Through it all, we have leaned into God, pray with you nightly, and you never allow us to forget that either. Sometimes you want to be prayed with a few times, and I am not sure if it is sincere or a method of delay out from the book of 1 Procrastinations at bedtime. You and your siblings are very skilled at this for sure, and I’m betting that you have learned from two professionals.
You are quite the superhero fan. We can’t get you out of the Batman and Superman suits, and you are adamant about wearing them every day. You wear them to the YMCA, the grocery store, and even to church. You even had a couple of young ladies come up to wanting a hug. I honestly think they thought you were Batman. It is my goal one day to dress you like the vintage Batman, and I will sport the complimentary Robin suit, and we can parade around town as the dynamic duo. That should bring about some chuckles and a chance to talk to people.

I know it must bewilder you why your brother and sister would leave us for a week every Friday afternoon. It will be a difficult situation to explain why they go live with their dad every other week. You miss them something fierce when they are gone. They do a great job of wearing you out when they are causing you to sleep more and take your naps when they are gone. I pray that you understand how this all works one day when you get older. I also pray that it becomes easier on your soul when we do explain it all, but I know that you do not like it when those Friday’s roll around.

Today sure brought back some memories of my childhood when I took you to the farm store to get sunflower seeds to capture those darn destructive chipmunks. The best part was grabbing donut holes on the way there and getting a Mallowcup treat. Your papaw Everling and I would go to the farm store on Saturdays also, and I always got a pack of Mallowcups. They are tasty and without a doubt not good for us at all.

You have started pre-school, and that is a difficult one for me, I have been so accustomed to having you at home with me, I felt like I left you at the gym or something. You have blessed my life immensely, and it feels like you are off to college. Today I picked you up on the first day, and the first thing you tell me is how cute your teacher is. Then you giggled and giggled, your giggles are amazing, never lose that laughter or child-like faith. I pray you never lose that or anyone tries to steal it from you and that you stay humble and teachable. “At that time the disciples came to Jesus and asked, “Who, then, is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?” He called a little child to him and placed the child among them.” (Matthew 18:1–2, NIV).

Today the home inspector came to tell us what was wrong with the house. The list was long and exhausting, but what he couldn’t see was how much love is shared in this house and how much love is in our home. The laughs, smiles, and giggles that are shared. The forts we build on snow days and how much being together is the most precious thing possible. I often worry that I cannot provide the same kind of childhood I had growing up that Papaw Everling gave me. But what I can give you is love, fun, and a multitude of experiences to share with your children.

Today we found out that one of your new friends moving into your school needed a place to stay after school. You experienced firsthand what it is like to welcome a stranger in a time of need. You and Aria bickered like husbands and wives at times, but I know you learned a lot and it was great to help her family as they were new in town. While some may say Biblical hospitality is a thing of the past, it truly is the starting point of the Gospels to open our table and house to a stranger in need. When they moved to a new school, I know you were shocked and saddened to see her go. I am glad we continue to pray for her and her family.

You and Aria were playing as if you both were my mom and dad. It was a great moment when I could repeatedly shout, “dad, dad, DAD, DAD,” it seemed to irritate you immensely. I am not sure you made the connection to what you do to your mom and me quite often. Living comes back to the little things in life that I wouldn’t want to miss. I do love every moment of it.

You have no idea about the little things I am grateful for, even the messes. One day I walked out, and your toys were in the driveway, Katie’s bike, and Josh’s bike as well. As I pondered where to move things some people walking by the house commented “don’t you just hate that” as I began to answer I smiled and said “no, there are numerous people who pray for this situation, and I am grateful as all get out” they were quite surprised at the answer. I have not seen them since, but I am grateful, and before I can get angry, I must pause and reflect on the number of people who aren’t blessed with children like I am. I pray that you do not forget that when you have kids, I love you, son.

There is nothing I love more than hearing your feet “pitter-patter” across the floor in the mornings. When I am downstairs in my office that is the most beautiful sound in the world, it makes my heart swell and my eyes well up sometimes.

I promise I will quit complaining about Iowa. It is a God-appointed home here for us. You certainly loved your kindergarten teacher Mrs. Deustch, and the classmates there. One day you will reconnect with them, I am sure, either through school or church.

You brought home a Hawkeye pillow from school and informed me the Iowa Hawkeye’s are now your favorite. God willing He will help me stop complaining about being stranded prisoner here in Iowa. He has planted us here on a mission to serve Him in ways we are not quite sure of yet.

Our trip to Legoland was fun, and you inquired when we are moving to Florida. You know that is where I was headed before I met your mother. It was great running into your cousins there and finding uncle John and aunt Myndie. You did so high on the plane for the first time traveling like that. You are such an adventurer. I pray you never lose that sense of adventure.

Our time in the pool and the ocean certainly made you love the water even more. You also have built quite the affinity for dolphins, sharks, and whales. It warmed my heart when you watched the dolphins jump from the water, and you let me know how much you loved God’s creations. You are quite astute to His creations, and I love that you want to care for the animals in the future. I know we don’t watch much television but when we do you love to watch the shows about the oceans and the majestic beauty God created within it.

As we plan another Florida trip, we have chosen to spend a few days at a place with a pirate ship in the pool. I’m not sure which one of us will be more excited, but it surely will create a great memory for us all. It was difficult to keep that a secret.

I wholeheartedly believe the only reason you wanted to go to school was to ride the school bus, and it was fun until the bullying incident. Between that and the flu keeping you out of school, your mom and I decided faith-based homeschooling was the best option ultimately. Sometimes we question ourselves, but I genuinely believe we will get better at it as we go and grow. Morning Bible readings with you are the best. I love that more than you will know. I cherish every moment with you, and sometimes I worry I don’t have enough time as I focus on my studies. Maybe that is just because I am an older dad and thoughts of my mortality cross my mind. Ultimately, I believe the homeschooling was the best choice as I watch you behave admirably amongst other kids your age, and be a little gentleman to others loving on people just as Christ loved His church. I pray for you and your siblings always to be God-loving noble characters, worldly educated without being lost in the ways of the world, with your eyes fixed on Jesus forever.

As my schooling ends and I begin to enter into the world of ministry on a more fulltime basis. I reflect on all the things you have taught me. Yes, you have taught me to cherish and embrace a child-like faith, you have taught me to accept interruptions throughout the day, and you have taught me that we are on God’s time it is not our schedule to keep. You have taught me to cherish moments over minutes. The day you ran through the door and shared your excitement after experiencing drinking from the hose at your friend Drake’s house. That is something from my childhood. I had greatly forgotten at the moment and taken for granted. Then you shared how fun it was to run through their lawn sprinkler. My heart swelled as you recapped those moments and took me back to a place I had long forgotten yet thoroughly loved. Thank you, my beloved son.

I am not sure without you and the guidance of the Holy Spirit, and I could have escaped my addiction to hurry and busyness. God was at work in all of this long before you were born, and for that love, I am forever grateful.
I love you always, Dad.